Ahhhhh, it's that time of year again. Time to make promises of self-improvement to ourselves. Before I get to what my resolutions for 2018 are, let's talk about 2017.
This is what I resolved to do in 2017, but did I do it?
1. Keep in contact with people that I care about. - Yeah. I totally sucked at this one. Sorry family and friends. I still love you!
2. Be less busy/stressed, and be a little easier on myself. - Ha! NOPE! I'd actually say this went in the opposite direction. I'll actually explain more about that below.
3. I'm going to try to get in some kind of walk every day, no matter how short, and when I have a healthy option for food, I'll TRY to take it. - BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA to that first one. I did pretty good on that second one. Woohoo for me!
4. Mom goal #1: Not get so stressed out when my kiddos are going cuckoo. - Ummmmmmmmmmmmm. Nope.
5. Mom goal #2: Say yes more if there's no good reason to say no. - Okay, honestly, I can say I probably did this one a little more. There was definitely more sugar in their diets this year. Which is a big change from the pretty much none that I was letting them have before..
I'm totally fine with not actually keeping/sticking to my resolutions. Whatever. Life happens and I'm not perfect. And, I'm pretty sure I've NEVER stuck to a new year's resolution ever. I'm cool with it, and I still make them every year. They're goals.
So, before I get into my new year's resolutions for 2018, let me tell you about 2017 first (and totally bum you out in the process). Feel free to skip down to the actual resolutions if you want :)
2017 was actually a pretty rough year for me, and I'm VERY excited to move on to the new year. I've always been very high energy and high-spirited in general. Other people have always described me as bubbly and fun and silly, at least the ones that like me. And I'm sure there are other people that have some other descriptive words, but whatever :). For some reason, this version of me totally disappeared this year. This year I became this other person that I didn't even recognize. I was anxiety-ridden and tired all the time (which I think came from being anxious all the time). A lot of this anxiety needed a focus, so it decided to focus on health stuff. So, if any kind of random symptom came up (like being tired all the time), I was Googling it. And guess what ANY symptom leads to when you search online: cancer. (Public Service Announcement: If you're a worrier, don't Google symptoms.) So, then I would just scare the pants off myself and feel like I was dying or something because that's what the Google told me. And then when my anxiousness didn't focus on fake health issues, I was just anxious about nothing. If you don't know what it feels like when you're anxious, let me tell you. You feel like something bad is about to happen, even if nothing bad is currently happening. You're in this cloud of feeling unhappy and you have all these physical symptoms, like nausea, fatigue, you can't focus, your heart is racing, you feel panicky and just worried about nothing and everything all at once. All of your worries are completely irrational I would like the world and my whole life were about to come crashing down on me at any moment, apparently for no reason (well, unless at that moment I had just Googled something and was convinced I was dying of some random illness). Let me tell you, it's NOT FUN. Anyway, most of my year was this way. And on top of that, early in the year, I switched jobs. I went from a 4-day-a-week job that was not too stressful, but that I kinda hated, but that had amazing full-time benefits to a 5-day-a-week job that was COMPLETELY stressful, was totally new to me, that had pretty good benefits. This made my anxiety WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY WORSE. I always swore I would never leave that part-time position, even for more money, unless it was to go to another part-time position because having that extra day off was AMAZING (and my goal in life is to work less). Well, I broke that rule because this new job was a promotion and it allows me to work from home 3 days a week (which is what I've been wanting to do since the beginning of time and is about 98% of the reason I applied). Did I make the right decision? That remains to be seen.
On top of that, I was just overwhelmed with the sheer amount of stuff that busy working moms have to keep up with. But I'm not going to get into all that. I'm sure you already know.
Well, all this anxiety and stress added up to a crappy year where I was tired all the time and didn't have the energy or time to do stuff that I really liked. I barely worked on this blog. I almost completely stopped the vintage furniture restoring and selling (which I started doing years ago), and I really just avoided people because dealing with people was just way too much on top of all of this. I didn't play with the kids enough (more mom guilt) and even though they are the most wonderful little human beings on the planet (IMHO), I definitely didn't enjoy my time with them the way I normally do because I felt like crap ALL THE TIME. I was not the super positive and happy wife that Nick has always had. He ended up spending a lot of the year listening to me tell him that something is wrong but I don't know what, and reassuring me that things are okay (he SERIOUSLY deserves some kind of awesome husband award). And, all of that just led to me feeling guilty for not being my usual self, which made me feel even worse.
I'm not telling you this so we can throw me a pity party (unless there's pity pizza - then I'm totally in). I just want to explain why 2017 SUCKED and why I'm making the 2018 resolutions that I am. In the past few weeks this cloud of unhappiness has pretty much disappeared, which has been wonderful. My perspective on my job has changed (though I still hate being part of Corporate America and doing work that I'm not super passionate about, but I can accept it because it also funds things like having a house and food to eat, which is a plus in my book) and I've started doing stuff I enjoy more. It's like waking up from a bad dream. Just in time to jump into a new year. And it's going to be a GREAT year!
So, here are my new year's resolutions for 2018:
1. Do more of what I love: That means go back to doing furniture. I LOVE this and have a passion for it. I also love decorating and all that kinds of stuff. I will be finding ways to do more of this in 2018. I also want to see more of my friends that are far away and that I never see anymore.
2. Do more of what the kids love: The kids are growing fast and I'm seeing how time is FLYING by. Their childhoods are so short and I want to make sure they get to have as much fun as possible, and that I'm with them. I will try to remember what it was like being a kid, when everything was magic, and make plans based on this. So, when they mention something that they want to do, I'm going to try to make it happen (this doesn't include buying them stuff because I'm still not spoiling them). For example, this year Giuseppe has become obsessed with trains, so we took a train ride. Meena loves jumping around tumbling, so I made sure she started going to gymnastics. I want to play outside with them more and play their imagination games with them.
3. Do more of what is good for me: I'm going to try to be vegan and actually start exercising (for real this time - fingers crossed). Nick has been vegan for over a year and started meditating and stretching every day. He is in amazing shape right now and I'm 85% happy for him and 15% jealous. I need to get on that train. Also, this year, I watched my parents aging even more, and you know what? I realized I need to start taking good care of my self now so that I can age well. Like a fine wine.
4. Be positive in words and thoughts. They say that how you think and speak is how you will feel, or some other wise thing like that. I'm going to resolve to speak and think positively. For example, when someone asks me how it's going, I won't just say SIGH, "it's going", or, SIGH, "okay". I'm going to say "FANtastic!" (as my friend Kathy says). There's a lady I used to work with that would respond with, "I woke up and I know my own name, so it's going good!". HA! Yes, if I'm alive and haven't lost my marbles yet, things are FANtastic!
5. Be more patient. Yup, just in general. No explanation needed.
6. Avoid stress when possible. This seems obvious and like everyone would do this, but it's not. I often take on tasks that I don't need to, or volunteer for something I don't have time for, or will just try to squeeze as much as I can into an already jam-packed schedule. This is all unnecessary. So, if I can avoid taking on more than I need to, I'm going to.
My friend Erin recently wrote this on her Instagram:
"I picked my word for 2018! bloom/noun; come into or be in full beauty or health; flourish. Hoping to make this year better than the last. To flourish as a wife, a mom, a business owner, in health, in love, at home, as a friend."
I love this and I think this perfectly describes what I want for the new year. I want to bloom!